Maya's Room

As our journey to Maya gets closer I've noticed an increase in what I like to call "room gazing." I've caught myself and John doing it several times a day. This is when we go into Maya's future room and stand there envisioning what it will be like when it is occupied by our daughter. Sometimes the room gazing lasts for several minutes and other times it comes in short but frequent bursts.

Currently the room is overflowing with miscellaneous items....books, clothes, decorations, stuffed animals, and more than enough paint chips of undecided colors. Should it be blue, green, or yellow? Each day I seem to change my mind. I've even ordered two different bedding sets, opposite polars of eachother. I look at them daily unsure of which direction to go. I don't know why I'm struggling to make a choice. It seems so important that it be just right!

Perhaps it is because I know this will be the first place that Maya can truly call her own. A crib all to herself with a matress instead of a bamboo pad. Toys that don't have to be shared among twenty or more children. Quiet, peaceful and serene when she chooses. Simply......Maya's Room! Another six months until she is home. Sigh. By then I expect room gazing to become an olympic sport....at least in our household!

In the meantime I'll wander in and out with the images of bedtime stories and nighttime giggles. I wrote the following poem expressing some room gazing thoughts of me "the expectant mother."

The Expectant Mother

I sit in your room staring at the clutter that soon will be organized for your arrival. I wonder if you will like the color on the wall or the special stuffed animal that I have chosen for you.

Will you find peace in this room when it is time to lay your head down? Or will you cry out in disapproval?

I close my eyes and my mind drifts away where I envision the canvas of your face. You have a twinkle in your eye that will certainly melt my heart. And a smile that fills the room with sunshine on the cloudiest of days.

As I rock back and forth I imagine the feel of your wispy hair as it tickles my chin. Our heartbeats intertwined in a mother child symphony. Just the thought of it makes my heart beat a little faster.

My hand glides over my flat vacant belly. There is no longer a need to fill my empty womb. It is my heart that is full and ready to deliver my love to you.

As I continue rocking, the images bring a smile to my face. But for now I can only patiently wait.



Lori Haug